Red Wallet Synchronicity

The day started out ordinary enough. The thought of coffee. Who hasn’t had that thought? On my way out the door I checked to make sure I had my phone, which has a nice leather case also doubles as a convenient wallet and radiation guard, along with my keys and a book that jumped out at me as the perfect one to bring. Then I noticed my red leather wallet, poking a tiny corner of herself out of my small fair trade red bag from Serrv. I had the strong feeling I ought to take the red wallet, though for absolutely no rational reason I could imagine. I never use the cards that are in it and it’s bulky and has a few old receipts and not much else besides several quarters that would be good for parking, but the coffee shop I intended to go to has a free lot. Still, I grabbed it just in case there was a reason I hadn’t though of and headed out the door.

EVP is the coffee shop nearest where I live. Often my sweet husband will bring me coffee from there before he goes to work, or if it’s a day he’s off, sometimes he’ll do it just because he likes to do little practical things that make me happy. He also keeps me well supplied with chocolate when I’m going through a chocolate phase and makes sure to get filtered water in our big 5 gallon container if it’s low before going on a long shift, since he knows my back doesn’t like lifting those things. Some days he offers and I tell him I feel like going out to get my own coffee, and from time to time we go together, sometimes each working on our laptops, or having a lovely conversation, often about dynamics at play in healthcare. I had an interest in public health long before I met him, so the topic doesn’t more me. I just approach it from a different perspective. At home the kids call me “doctor.” And in fact many things that are becoming main stream now I’ve known about for years. Indigenous cultures have often known about things research is now confirming for thousands of years. Science is cool, but it is late. It also is often biased. And later research often demonstrates that what we used to know for sure is actually off base and backward. Like remember when people thought margarine was better than butter? Or that saturated fat was the main culprit in heart disease? Just wrong wrong wrong. So take science with a grain of salt, along with anything - especially one people in authority try to hand it’s conclusions down as absolutes.

When I arrived at EVP today, I was there alone. Well, not alone, on my own. Other people were, naturally in the coffee shop. When I stepped up to the counter to order, I did something I am in the habit of doing with some regularity, though at no particular set interval: I paid for a random person’s coffee and asked the baristas to choose a lucky recipient. I handed the woman taking my order a 10. I waited for her to give me change, but when it wasn’t forth coming, I realized she must have misunderstood and overestimated my generosity. “Um, may I please have my change back?” I asked sort of sheepishly. “Oh yeah, of course! I thought you meant to give the whole thing. They have this thing in NYC where people sometimes buy a bunch of coffees to put on aside that get registered and homeless people can come and ask if they have “on reserve.” “Oh wow,” I said. “That’s really cool.” I went on explain to her how it isn’t that I mind giving away my whole ten, but I would rather empower other people to also get in on the joy of giving. Research shows that when people given a set amount of money and a choice to spend it on themselves or others, those who spend it on others are happier. And whileI think there are certainly many people who could use some practice receiving with joy, as well as giving generously, I have this to be generally true. Getting something for myself is nice once in a while, but bringing joy another human being is priceless, intangible and one of the most wonderful experiences I think a person can have - it is the ultimate win/win because happiness flows out as well as in - in all directions at once. I told the barista how I’ve often tried to give money to other people to start their own random acts of kindness such as paying for someone else’s coffee, and I often get turned down on that. In fact most people say “no” to the invitation to participating actively in the pro-giving cycle even when they don’t have to front the money, and I’ve been curious about why. I asked the female barista what if she had any reflections that would help me understand. “I think sometimes people are suspicious of motive. That resonated. Even when I pay for people’s coffee, if I do it directly, rather than totally anonymously, I sometimes have to explain that my only motive is a kinder world. She said, “And then sometimes someone starts a pay-it-forward chain and someone says, “I’ll keep it going and get the person behind me and a then that person orders fifty bucks worth of food and the person who pays feels taken advantage of.” I realized that indeed, much mistrust runs among humans, and it is true, people have the capacity to feed their good wolf or their bad wolf at least once ever hour in a way that matters obviously, and each moment if you realize every thought nurtured or dismissed creates the frames you see through when those more significant choice points come into view. Every five minutes is a lifetime that shapes your character, which shapes your destiny. And you get a lot of chances to screw it up and get it right if you take it five minutes at a time. “If I give you two bucks, will you do it?” I asked her. “Yeah, I’ll do it,” she said. And I gave her two of my remaining each dollars. Next I looked at Nathan, the male barista who was standing just a bit back, making someone’s espresso or something. “Naaaa,” he said. I’m too shy to go up to people. Plus I’m moving this week. Maybe next week. Nick is a super kind person with a heart of gold, so I know he wasn’t opting out for any other reason than just being intimidating to go up and talk to strangers. So I now had three good reasons why people might not be keen to join in the type of random acts of kindness that involve a stranger: 1) suspicion of motives 2) fear of being taken advantage of 3) unwilling or unable to overcome shyness about going up to strangers.

Just then an older gentlemen approached the counter. I asked him if I could buy his coffee. His slightly indignant and praise-worthy response was “Why would you buy me coffee? My wife buys me coffee!” Lol. I think he thought I was hitting on him. God bless him. We need more men with that kind protective loyalty to their wives, partners and families. I tried to explain to him that my only motive was to spread kindness. He said, “Well you could buy my wife coffee.” I said, “I would love to buy your wife coffee. Where is she?” He gestured to a circular table laden with newspapers. A lovely older lady in a knitted sweater that looked like it couldn’t decide whether to be purple or pink was seated there. I walked over to her and said gently, “Can I buy you coffee?” Much like her husband she said, “Now why would you do that?” I gently replied, “My only reason is because I want to live in a world where people care about each other and are kind.” Suddenly her eyes lit up, her face softened into a wide smile and she said, “Well when you put it that way, I want that too! Yes, you can buy me coffee!” And so I did. And I had a dollar left over, which I tried to give her as well but she said that was too confusing. So I did. She even let me buy her a muffin. And then I asked if I could give her a hug. She gave me a good one. She was surprised, but delighted. I watched her literally melt. And then we went our separate ways, both the better. I had a dollar left of the original ten. I dropped it on the table in front of a young professional looking fellow with headphones in. “I’m doing random kindness today, here’s a buck.” He met my eyes, smiled, said “Thanks” and went back to his flow charts or whatever. It was all good. I went and sat down at my table and opened my copy of Revolution Where you Live, by the co-founder of Yes Magazine. A few moments later, another woman of a certain age approached my table. She looked familiar - a kind face clearly belonging to some who cares about social justice. Anyway, those are the thoughts that ran through my head.

“Ooooh, is that a new one” she asked, looking interestedly at the cover of Revolution Where You Live. “Yes,” I said, “It’s by the author of Yes Magazine. “I read YES” said the woman with white and gray wavy hair circling her good-natured face. “That look GOOD,” she said. I offered her the book, but she couldn’t bring herself to take it from me since I hadn’t finished yet. So I told I were I was pretty sure our local bookstore had a copy. After all, I’d ordered one and then had the strange intuition not to actually get it, leaving them with an extra copy. I did, however pick up a lovely doctor who book for my husband, which he is enjoying very much.

Starting with a connection over a book, the woman and I had a long conversation that spanned the galaxy from a local council member we’ve both outed as a blatant white supremacist to the beauty of kindergartners meditating to the Ho’oponopono and how to Dr. Hew Len cured nearly an entire mental hospital full of criminally insane people - and transformed a staff with a turnover rate to rival McDonalds into a family just by saying, “I love, thank you, I’m sorry, please forgive me” to his own inner reactions to reading about the vulgarities of their crimes and personality traits. “What if it really is that simple?” She said. Before launching into the area of global transformation where belief and science intermingle like lovers and frequency and spiritual thoughts collide with quantum physics to generate new possibilities, I asked her how comfortable she was with spirituality. She chuckled and informed me that she is a pastor. “That’s great!” I said. Only the day before I’d met the baptist pastor of Mt Zion church at a homeless outreach that invited him to speak in honor of Black History Month. “What kind of church do you pastor?” I asked. “Are you familiar with the UU church?” She asked. “Yes, I’m very familiar with Unitarian Universalism.” I responded. She told me about some the social justice committees she is on, and how excited she is about how children are being taught meditation in schools through the Kindness Curriculum of Richie Davis. I shared with her how much of the work I do is on the level of frequency rather than practical, on the ground work. “Frequency?” She asked. I made an effort to explain. “The idea of a holographic universe. Everything is waving. We all exist in nested systems.” “The word I’m familiar is interconnectedness,” she said. “Yes, I said. That’s right. And it’s a little vague.” “Yes,” she said very openly, “It is a good word but it is vague.” I went on, “You know how science has shown a single cell communicates instantaneously with the entire bod? If we each focus on cleaning an individual cell in the body of all that is, then we transmit that health to the whole, we can instantaneously communicate that information to body of the universe - to humanity. Like the 100th monkey effect.” It’s a similar idea to the Ho’oponopono we’d discussed earlier. Each person who is guided to works on their own internal landscape - changes their programming and brings health, vitality and a constructive worldview that inspires the best in self and others, and if a critical mass of people do that, it goes viral - instantaneously. Boom! You get human evolution toward a loving, happy, beautiful, socially advanced culture. It doesn’t matter how bad things look. You flip a switch and the screen changes. A new station, a new film, a new world, a new earth that is filled with kindness, love, peace, joy and abundance. The actions of the “new humans” easily fix any issues as the solutions to life’s concerns come naturally and are obvious. “I’m Alicia,” by the way, I said introducing myself finally after we’d been talking for some time. “I’m Sandy,” she reciprocated. She went on to tell me how she was looking for ways to reconnect with social justice and being more actively engaged in the world after having stepped fully back from the news, due to the bombardment of constant negativity. I said, “The book is hopeful and humble.” “That’s just what we need,” she replied, nodding and looking deep in thought. “Yes,” I agreed. She observed how wonderful it is that children are learning meditation in schools and that there are people in our community doing excellent social justice work that truly aims to solve challenges. “As Unitarians, we try to work on things in as non-partisan way as possible, but it’s the real world, so we do have lobbyists.” I had mixed feelings about that. In general I think all lobbyists ought to be outlawed, but if you have people lobbying for things seen as bad, I understand the investment in having people lobbying for those things which are at least thought to be good. also briefly discussed a certain local politician who masks as one thing and turns out to be another. We’d both outed her as a white supremacist in Bernie clothing in the course of dialoguing.

One of the things that makes me happy is the amount of people who beginning to question narratives fed to them and look at things more closely. Although I am a huge believer in unconditional love, I’m willing to ask tough questions - of myself and others. I love people who are share both of these commitments.

It was after our conversation had wrapped up and Sandy was sitting at the counter by the window noshing on her danish before heading to work that it occcurred to me to check my red wallet, for what had no inkling at all. I just knew I was about to leave and hadn’t yet fathomed why it seemed so important to bring it in the first place. Was it just a random feeling without a cause or purpose? I fished a finger into the wallet and immediately drew out a single piece of folded paper from a slew of faded, grubby receipts. It was a handout about a different local politician that had been given to me at the Farmer’s Market last summer. I had mean to spread the word about this woman, but had lost sight of the paper. I handed it to Sandy on my way out the door, and the older woman for whom I’d bought coffee thanked me again. I couldn’t help noticing the pretty pink heart on her hat and complimented her on it. She beamed. I love seeing people come to life.